Faith-building pregnancy

Well I hope everyone else had a relaxing, stress-free Thanksgiving like I did! With hectic schedules, swirling thoughts, and to-do lists it is so nice to take a step back and play cards, eat, and laugh. As laid back and my husband and I both are, I must admit, our plates have been full lately (and not just because of the turkey and pie!). Even with the pressure I seem to put on my own shoulders, I am so grateful I have faith in my corner reminding me that something so much greater than us is working this all out for good.
I have gone back and forth as to whether or not I should share a recent experience and I decided that it just might help someone out there going through something similar. And in starting a blog, I knew the purpose was to be real. We all have enough fluff in life. So here goes! For one agonizing night I was SURE that I had lost the baby I am newly pregnant with. I wont get into the details but all signs pointed to miscarriage. Up until that moment I had no idea just how attached I had become to this little life that I had never seen or even heard the heartbeat of. I was absolutely heartbroken. I already had a doctor appointment scheduled for early the next morning so I just laid in bed and prayed and cried all night. What surprised me about myself was the fact that in my heart I thanked God. I thanked Him for allowing me to find out about the pregnancy so early so that I had more time to love the little one. Most people are not even aware they are pregnant for 6-8 weeks and here I was 9 weeks along and had known about and loved this baby for 6 whole weeks. In spite of the sadness I knew that God has a purpose and a plan. I felt so much empathy for all the women out there who have gone through the experience of a miscarriage. My husband and I gathered up our toddler and soberly headed to the doctor at 7:30 the next morning. I could barely hold the tears at bay while explaining to her what happened that night before. After the normal doctor routine she said "let's just take a look." She was quiet for a moment and turned the screen toward me and said "well, there is your baby!" I immediately burst into tears which made my son burst in to tears. She turned up the volume so we could all hear the most amazing sounding heartbeat I have ever heard. I am just so very, very blessed that the outcome in my case has turned out to be what we had hoped. And so shocked since I had honestly prepared myself for the worst.
I thought being pregnant for the second time would be fairly uneventful and a little "old shoe". I realize now more than ever what a faith-building experience pregnancy truly is. In most situations we can at least fool ourselves in to believing we have control. There is quite literally nothing you can do while pregnant but put your faith in God that all of the millions of elements go just right and you end up with a healthy baby. I have been to a specialist several times and will continue for a while, but so far no definitive answers as to what happened that night. It seems this pregnancy will be anything but "old shoe." It is already completely different from my first. It has grabbed hold of my thoughts and forced me to slow down. Once again the brain chemistry of a mother is forever changed. It is so interesting to examine self and discover such dramatic changes in focus. Networking, future career building out there in the "real world", and goal setting to achieve my next level of success has been replaced with the need to nurture and protect. Fixing my hair, plucking my eyebrows, and looking presentable used to be so much higher on the priority list! Of course I agree that mom's need to take care of themselves and not put everyone and everything else first leaving you drained, but now I understand the frumpy moms I have seen at the grocery stores all these years...because I am one ha!

Messy life

First of all I want to thank all of you for reading my blog and for the support and kind words from those of you who have reached out to me. I am very much enjoying doing this and pray God continues to provide me with meaningful content and the ability to express what is in my heart so that others can connect and relate. And maybe even help someone else see a different angle in a situation they are dealing with in their own life. I sometimes put this pressure on myself to have some words of wisdom or an outlook at the end of an experience that reflects God's working in my life. At this moment I can't say that I have any words of wisdom. I do not have an experience to share that I was able to come through on the other side and reflect upon my personal growth. Reason being: I am currently in the thick of so many things God is walking me through. I am not yet sure exactly what it is He is showing me and how it will all change me. What I do know is that it will. It is. And he is in control of it all and is working it all out for good.

What makes a really great blog is that it is open and real. Some things I am going through are so deeply personal that my still amateur-blogging-status is not sure how to approach it. I hope you will stick with me in spite of my short comings! First off, recently I have been brought to that place in life where faith is quite literally the only thing I have to hold on to. And thank goodness I have that! I trust His plan, I trust that everything happens for a reason and although I may not understand what that is, my faith and trust is in Him completely. I will share the full story in the weeks to come, but know that if you are also dealing with a situation that is so totally out of your hands all you can do is pray--you are not alone!

Second, my patience has been pushed to its absolute limits and I must admit, it needs some work! I mean, sure as a mom of a toddler my patience is tested daily! But I am talking about the kind of patience it takes when you know HUGE, life-altering changes are just around the corner and as hard as you pray for the answers, God's answer is "just wait." So I thank Him for these trials that force growth and maturity. The "but I want it NOW" attitude has certainly grown to "any day now Lord....whenever You are ready of course" ;-) I am happy that I have peace in my heart about it and I do not doubt for a moment that the changes will reflect the will of God. It is the waiting that gets me!

And finally, the third big one I am in the thick of is the growing pains that come along with stretching those love muscles again. As it says in Luke:

 ³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that."

It is easy to do in theory, but in real life, things can get hairy. I have found that approaching relationships with others with a spirit of humility is helping smooth out what could be a very bumpy road. Pride and self-righteousness get us no where when dealing with others. Regardless of the attitude coming from the other side, I have an opportunity to demonstrate a Christian response and I am happy for that opportunity. To whom much is given much is required and I have certainly been given A LOT in my life. Through it all I am leaning on Him more than ever and I am grateful that I am not in control of all of this for it would certainly be one giant disaster!

On being thankful

The recurring theme God keeps bringing to my attention in life right now is to be thankful in all things. Sure, a basic Christian concept we all strive to do. But here is the thing: While it always crosses my mind to thank Him when tough things happen in my life; I seem to have a little internal struggle with it. Not because I am unwilling, not because I am angry, bitter, or even upset! Follow my thought process and maybe you can work through this with me right here, right now.

So, God knows our heart. He knows us inside and out...better than we know ourselves. Here I am dealing with a stressful situation in my life and I am praying hard and leaning on God. I am full of faith that all will work out according to His plan. I am reminded to be thankful in all things. But I almost feel guilty thanking God when in my heart I don't FEEL so thankful this is happening to me. Of course I WANT to feel thankful and I do pray the words, but God knows my heart. He knows that I want so badly to feel as much thanksgiving as I do for the blessings in life, but how do you get to that level of faith? Maturity? Growth? Here I am stuck WANTING to be thankful, thanking God with my brain, but feeling guilty that the thanks has not fully penetrated my heart. Does He see right through my "thanks" and think "nice try"? Maybe this sounds silly but this has been an honest to goodness internal struggle for me!

It has just been this week that I started to realize that my practice in thanking Him through the challenges is my training ground for that growth I desire and so desperately need. It has become an automatic response to thank God when stressors enter my life. That is a step in and of itself! Now as my head and my lips respond correctly, I believe my heart will follow. I believe that God will honor my desire for a deeper understanding of Him and work on changing the resistance in my heart. Somewhere inside there must still be a child pouting "but its nor fair!" There must still exist a self-protecting little one in me that wants to protect my "rights" and my "things"--as if I have control over them in the first place. I find solace in knowing that Job, Ezekiel, and even Jeremiah dealt with similar feelings early in their ministries. Thankfully God does not call perfect people to work for Him. Thankfully He uses the willing, calls the imperfect, and (in love) reveals the condition of our hearts so that we might learn to overcome our imperfections.

Instincts

So often I hear people say, regarding morals and religion, "I just do what feels right" or "I follow my gut." But when your gut is full of flesh mixed with carnal instincts how can we possibly blindly follow that guidance? Sometimes God's will is uncomfortable. Oftentimes He leads us in a direction that doesn't feel so "right" at first. That's why we struggle so much with following His leading--we second guess Him. Our flesh desires the exact opposite and our "logic" convinces us that we surely heard God wrong--especially when the road gets tough!

There is an interesting duality I have discovered inside of me since becoming a mom. The side of me that has parental instincts that are good and must be followed, and the side of me with fleshly desires and instincts I must learn to overcome. Let me explain by first telling the story of my night last night. For the past few weeks my nearly-2-year old son has been waking up at least once in the middle of the night crying. It seems his only goal is to get me to go into his room because the moment I do he lays right back down and goes to sleep. If I don't however, he is quite persistent! So last night my husband says "we have to stop going in there or he is never going to quit. Just let him cry." Sounds logical....unless you're a mom! I laid there feeling those strings being yanked in my heart for a good 20 minutes (which of course felt like 2 hours). My gut kept telling me I needed to go check on him, but my logic was on board with my hubby. Finally my husband decides he will get up. Little man goes right back to sleep, awesome! Except not even 10 minutes later he is up crying again. Could be he didn't get his way in making mommy come in there, but something told me it was something else this time. I went in there and sure enough, poor guys diaper was too full and he was soaked. Pj's, blankets, sheets, everything! After changing everything he laid right back down and slept the rest of the night.

In so many instances parents absolutely need to follow their instincts. It may be something as small as a too-wet diaper or a much bigger issue. Second guessing that parental instinct often gets us in trouble. We are so in tuned with our children we "just know" when something is off. I sure wish the Holy Spirit wasn't so still and quiet sometimes making it hard to hear over the noise of the flesh! I am praying to become more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. To recognize its leading as clearly and as urgently as I feel and anticipate the needs of my child. I pray that I grow and evolve to a place where just as my body has a visceral reaction to the cry of my son, so does my spirit to the whisper of the our Father. To have no choice but to act upon His call. For my obedience instinct to become as automatic as my mommy instinct. Not to trust my flesh and live life doing what FEELS GOOD, but doing what IS good in spite of how it feels. More trust, more obedience, more faith.

Thanks to my son for wetting through your diaper so that I am wide awake at 2:30am to hear the Holy Spirit whisper and feel the pen inspired. Glad I didn't sleep through this one!

Stretch your love muscles

If you are like me, at any given time in your life you tend to think "if only this ONE thing would be different my life would be so much better." Or maybe "if this ONE PERSON would get out of my life I would be happier/less stressed out." A boss that doesn't understand, a coworker who is always out to get you, there tends to be a challenging relationship (or 10) at any given time in our lives. We all know that there are growth opportunities for ourselves when it comes to our interaction with them, but we still lay our heads down at night and pray somehow the person relocates to China. The first person in my life I prayed would disappear was my older brother (sorry Ryan!). As a kid he pretty much made it his mission to make my life miserable. And he was sneaky too! He would use his newly-acquired ninjutsu skills right around my head and in my face the moment mom's back was turned. I'd go crying and tell on him and he would yell "I didn't touch her!" Well, he was right. He never actually touched me, grrrr! He knew how to push every button I had! I remember asking my mom if we could teach him a foreign language and enroll him in a foreign exchange student program. We had one from Finland at my school and she was there the whole year! Now THAT would be amazing. I prayed for that for quite some time :-)

I have grown up to love my brother and in fact, find him to be a pretty cool guy. But as a grown up sometimes my prayers are just a immature and ridiculous as the ones I prayer back then. "God please somehow pluck this one person out of my life. Thank you. Amen." Even though I learned early on we are supposed to thank God in all things, it still seems the thanks you's are on my lips, even in my head, but not so clear in my heart. Over and over I have read 1 Thessalonians 5:18: in everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Now this is a pretty elementary concept, but how many of us truly do this? For me, I have been not only learning to thank God for all things, but recognizing that He is the one who plants these people in our lives. On purpose. Can we first recognize His sovereignty and purpose for the relationship, then thank Him for it, and even grow to love that person?! Oh the growing pains! I am working on stretching those love muscles. How much flexibility does my love have? How far can it stretch? See, even God likes yoga!

I recently had that "one challenge" I was praying about daily. Not that it would disappear, but that I would learn to stretch and grow my love muscles, that I would develop more patience, and learn to see God in the face of my challenges. I almost feel guilty about how God answered my prayer. He completely removed the challenge from my life unexpectedly. Puzzled, I prayed..."God, what are You doing? I failed and failed and failed again!" The guilt came in when I thought about it....that was it. That was the last big challenge I was struggling with (at this moment). I really do have wonderful relationships in my life. I don't deserve such blessings in life when so many are facing so many tough challenges! Of course I can thank Him in all things when He has blessed me so! As I struggled with the duality of gratefulness and guilt God has spoken to my heart and made me feel so warm and loved. I still have plenty of struggles and challenges in life, but my heart is finally starting to change. The thankfulness is no longer just on my lips and in my head. It has grown in my heart. I am learning to trust him on a deeper level. One that surpasses stress and worry. Although I have not yet "arrived" because I know better than that, I am so grateful that God is becoming bigger in my life than my challenges. That faith is becoming an automatic response to a problem. With the many more challenges to come and the inevitable failures I will face, I know that God is continuing to work in me and that I will learn to stretch my love in new ways every day.

Titus 3:5 
He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit

More than a pep talk

Sometimes a pep talk is exactly what you need. Say you are an athlete and your coach gives the most inspiring, motivating speech you have ever heard. You are FIRED UP--ready to tackle the world! But no amount of enthusiasm can make up for not knowing how to play the game. I mean, if you don't know the rules how can you play right? That's how I feel about our walk with God. There is a time and a place for the inspiring, motivating message. It can pick us up, light a fire, and force us to get moving! But if we don't understand the mind and heart of God, don't understand the rules of the game, how far will our excitement take us? How long will that fire burn? If we do not dig into the Word and study and pray for eyes to see and ears to hear not only His words but His intent, if we do not gain knowledge and strive for wisdom and growth, no amount of enthusiasm will be enough to sustain us and guide us through the trials of life. We will start the day high and as our boss yells at us, our toddler hides our keys, and we get a flat tire we will have to ride the roller coaster back up with the next message. Its like eating a candy bar when you are hungry. You may feel good for a little bit, but without a meal you will crash. We need to focus on His word and intentions for us. That way when the negatives of the world pile up, even if our enthusiasm wanes, we will always have a smoldering fire, an inner sense of peace because we see the big picture.
Let us build a foundation of knowledge and form walls with love and God will put a roof of wisdom over our heads. Let us feel an inner happiness that bubbles over and comes out of us naturally. This will touch others in a way more meaningfully than a great pep talk that burns out like sugar in our blood.

Acts of Kindness

For my 30^th birthday this month I decided to steal an idea from many others and perform 30 random acts of kindness. I am currently on number 19 and as I continue, my constant prayer is that I give with the right spirit and intentions. Not for show. Not for recognition or what others think. It may seem weird to be struggling with this, but helping others does feel good. So it makes me examine my heart to be sure my intentions are not selfish in nature. Today I read a daily devotional about being a true giver. It quoted the story in Luke about the poor widow who gave her last few cents to the treasury and Jesus recognizing her gift as the greatest of all. She was focused on Him and not if others saw her. Her motives were pure. As I prayed for my own motives for the remaining acts of kindness I will perform this month I suddenly remembered something from my childhood I had completely forgotten.

I could not have been more than 7 or 8 years old and I lived in a very small town--the kind where you were still allowed to go out and play without constant supervision. I was out in the front yard and I saw a woman I had seen many times before. She was pushing a shopping cart collecting cans. I am still not sure if she was homeless or just very poor. She was always dressed in shabby, worn clothing and looked like she needed a shower and a good night’s sleep. No doubt most people in town knew who she was and what her story was, but as young as I was I had no idea and I was too scared to ask anyone. I remember standing in my driveway that day, looking at her, and starting to pray for her. I wished so hard that there was something I could do to help her. I wished I had a whole truck full of cans I could give her! I prayed and I prayed. It tugged at my soul to see her look so sad.

 I went into my bedroom, grabbed my pink pig bank (an actual piggy bank ha!) and took out two quarters. I can’t remember if that is all I had, but if not I know it was close. As I stared at them I wanted nothing more than to give them to her, but at that time I was PAINFULLY shy. The thought of walking up to her made my stomach turn. I was embarrassed just thinking about it. I really did feel convicted to help this woman and thought God was telling me to! I wished I could be invisible and just magically drop the coins into her hand and float away. My compassion for her somehow overrode all my fears and I walked across the street, through the playground, and halfway through a field to catch up with her and, with a huge lump and no words in my throat, held the coins out. I cannot even remember the words she said to me, but as many adults would do in that situation, she graciously turned down my offer. I was mortified. No doubt my face was bright red and my heart beating a mile a minute all the way home. I was so confused—thought I was wrong about what God told me—thoughts too grown up for a first grader.

Looking back I cannot help but laugh at how that must have looked. I can think of few moments in my life that have been more awkward! But as I complete my acts of kindness and strive to do better about reaching out and helping others in my life, I pray for that same innocence of heart that I had with my quarters that day--a true heart of giving, unconcerned about what I have left over or who will know what I did--a compassion for others that overrides my selfishness and pride.

Reflection on 30 years

Birthdays, for me, are a time of reflection. How have I lived the past year and what are my plans for the next? What many of us do on New Years Day, I do on my birthday. This birthday is more than just reflecting on the last year, but also the last decade. The first decade of my life I have been a "grown up" through all of it! As I turn 30, I want to capture the lessons I have learned through many major life experiences of my 20's. No doubt others have memories of their own tied to many of these.

• Maturity doesn't trump life experience
• A little fun goes a long way
• A goal never set cannot be reached
• Your body is capable of more than you think
• Love is richer when you first get to know yourself and love who you find
• Forgive. Accept God's forgiveness. forgive yourself, and ask others for forgiveness
• True, long-lasting friendships are harder to find and much more meaningful the older you get
• People who are no longer in your life can remain in your heart
• Mistakes do not define you
• Hair grows back
• Friendships with other women can be more meaningful than I ever considered
• God always meets our needs
• Beauty changes
• Excuses can define who we become
• Family is forever
• A paycheck does not determine self-worth
• There is no substitute for education
• Perfection lies in imperfection
• Growth cannot happen without change

Purpose

For most of my life I have thought and prayed about what my purpose, or calling, is. I went to school, accepted jobs, volunteered, etc. all in search of this destination that is the reason I was put on this planet. Although I realized long ago that this calling in all likelihood was not just one thing (i.e. parenthood, a career, etc.); it was only recently I came to realize it is not even a destination. Callings grow and change over time just as we do. There is a peace knowing that what I do now is exactly what God has called me to do at this moment. In time that will change and evolve. He has given us all a multitude of talents and gifts and it takes a lifetime to explore and stretch them all! I may still concern myself with living purposefully and making the most of the time I am given, but I am not weighed down by the thoughts that I am wasting time/life trying to figure out my purpose and beating myself up for not having it all figured out by now. Be the best you you can be today and keep your eyes open and your feet moving toward the next opportunity to take your calling to a new level.

Inspiration

Such an interesting thing. People who don't have it think those with it are just lucky. Or think of it as simply having passion. But passion does not always equal inspiration. I'll tell you something, inspiration takes work! It may start with passion but it takes effort, dedication, and commitment to keep the fire alive. It's amazing how if neglected the things we feel most inspired by seem to dwindle away. Never ignore your passions--never let life get in the way. Always carve out time for those things that make your eyes light up when you think about them! Here is a poem I wrote about 10 years ago. Seems fitting to include it today.

Inspiration

 

Seeing the beauty in all that surrounds you

No timers – just follow your heart

Recognizing the spark that can lead to a flame

You can find your inspiration

 

Learning to stop and listen to nothing

No sound – just calm, quiet breath

Pushing beyond your minds natural boundaries

You can grasp your inspiration

 

Living by both your mind and your heart

No deviations – just focus and yearning

Expanding within your heart and your mind

You can capture your inspiration

 

Failing in your best attempts at life

No regrets – just learning to grow

Helping yourself to understand what is right

You can grow in your inspiration

 

Expressing your gifts from all that’s inside

No pride – just open connection

Sensing the moment to turn on a light

You can fly with your inspiration

 

Loving enough to lift with your words

No reservations – just the hope of conviction

Sharing a blessing you found in your life

 

You can give your inspiration

Guilt or Regret

We have all made mistakes. We have all done things worthy of forgiveness. Things we wish we could take back, handle differently, or simply erase from our history. The “big things” that fit those descriptions in my life, I really feel I have dealt with for the most part. I have asked forgiveness from people and from God, prayed and felt I had forgiven myself, and changed my future behavior so as not to make those same mistakes again. So why is it every once in a while this rock drops itself into the bottom of my stomach and I am right back to beating myself up about it again? Have I not forgiven myself? Is my faith so thin I feel that somehow God has not forgiven me? Do I feel the need to be a martyr? Am I feeling guilty all over again? I have always said guilt is a wasted emotion. It gets us nowhere—changes nothing. So what is my problem?

One little conversation with my dad about this topic lead me to a serious “ah ha” moment. He simply said “well, you have to recognize the difference between guilt and regret. If you cannot tell the difference then it is probably guilt.” Immediately it hit me – THAT’S IT! It is not that I still feel guilty. It’s not that I keep picking back up the cross I laid down and trying to carry it again myself. It is that I have grown, I have changed. As I look back to mistakes of the past, I regret that I behaved a certain way, or said something hurtful. Things I would not do at this point in my life. It is perfectly healthy to feel regret. In fact it’s good! It shows that I would not repeat it now! We have all heard the term forgive and forget, but who really forgets? Remembering and thinking “wow, how could I have ever done that?” shows growth. So my hope is that we can all recognize the difference between guilt and regret. And for those living with nagging guilt, I pray you can move forward to the place of peace and maybe simply regret. So when that rock drops itself in my stomach I can recognize that it just means I am still sorry about my bone head moves, but that’s it. One less chain that keeps me bound up inside.

Cheers to being freer today than we were yesterday and freer tomorrow than we were today.

Rising above the noise

The negative voices in my head:

There are a million mommy blogs out there! They talk about how to change the perfect diaper, what's the best brand of diaper, what to feed your kids, how long to breastfeed--the list goes on and on. They are wonderful. I have read them myself as I struggled with each topic of motherhood in effort to be the best mom I can possibly be for my son. So what is different about me? What is different about what I have to say?

I feel as if there is a voice inside of me screaming "don't forget about me!" I went from nurturing this character of mine -- molding and shaping it through education, prayer, and life experience; to ignoring it completely overnight. And you know what, I am fine with that....temporarily. Temporarily the only focus I was even capable of was meeting every need of this new life I created and love so deeply it hurts. But at what point do we as moms remember there is still a person in there? One that God created for a purpose and a plan. Motherhood may be our most important job, but is it our only job?

How long will you ignore the person you are on the inside? One day your kids will move out and move on. You owe it to yourself to celebrate each season with joy and peace. So, I am choosing to listen to a friend who told me "who cares how many other people have written about what you feel inspired to write about? No one will say it like you."

What are your gifts?

Have you ever wanted to be crafty? I mean seriously, how amazing are those people on Etsy and Pinterest? I have wanted for so long to be able to visualize and create amazing things out of ordinary items. For people to walk in my house and think "how cute" or "wow, I never would have thought to do that, but I love it!" But instead, I see stuff at TJ Maxx I love and get it home, plop it on a shelf, and feel disappointed it didn't melt into the décor and transform the room into cohesive beauty. Nope--in my house it's just a pretty, but slightly out-of-place candle sitting on a shelf. You know what though, that's not my gift. And that's ok because I am discovering what my gifts really are.

So what are my gifts? What is my ministry? I know a beautiful, eclectic woman whose ministry (and job) is de-cluttering people's homes and heads and creating beautiful spaces for peaceful living both physically and mentally. Thank God for people like her because I would be flat out terrible at that job! One of the gifts I have uncovered is the ability to connect with people on a real level, underneath a few layers. I understand, I care, I get it. I'm the one you allow yourself to say things out loud to for the first time to see what it really sounds like put into words. The one in which you can feel the comfort of not being judged.The evolution of self discovery has no ending. So I am learning to enjoy and embrace the process. For now I am happy to have the clarity to see a gift I have been given instead of focusing on the many things I am no good at.

Why a blog?

Although I always enjoy writing, I had honestly never even considered starting a blog. A friend brought up that I should start one and my immediate thought was, "is it narcissistic of me to think that people care and want to hear about my life and what goes on in my head?" I mean, sure, my best friend wants to hear it. My husband wants to hear most of it, but really, do people care? Let me take you through the progression that brought me here.

I literally knew 12 other women who were pregnant at the same time as me. It seemed everyone I called and told my exciting news to said "me too!" I guess I hit that age all of a sudden. Not all were close, personal friends, some were social media friends I once knew more personally or distant relatives, but never-the-less--12!! It has been so much fun watching and hearing about each woman's experiences and struggles. Now that my son is 18 months old, the pregnancy/childbirth stories have evolved into parenting and self-discovery.

The bond among mothers is like no other and as I sit with friends over a quiet cup of coffee (yeah right, who am I kidding--over barney and tantrums), I realize that my thoughts, my struggles, the tug and pull that is being a mom, is shared among all of us. And although we cant solve each others life rubrics, we feel better knowing someone understands. Someone feels the same way. I am not crazy--or even abnormal.

Narcissism?
No.

Answers to life's problems?
Nope.

A glimpse into your own life through a new lens?
Maybe.

Comfort knowing you are not in this alone?
Bingo.

We are all in this together

Today is the day

This is it! Today is the day! Today is the day I will eat better, work out (at least get in a good run with the jogging stroller).....I will take a shower and look presentable (ok, acceptable). I will be super mom, cook dinner, and finally start that blog I have been thinking about starting forever......

Nice thought huh? Well, maybe I was wrong. Maybe tomorrow is the day. Maybe today calls for a few edits and deletions on the to-do list. I mean, sometimes smelling good is overrated and a bowl of cereal counts as dinner, right?

Buy hey, the blog is started! That accomplishment alone erases at least five other things off the list anyhow. And just maybe, there is another smelly mom munching on a bowl of cheerios (plain because you forgot to buy the honey nut kind for yourself)who found a moment in her day to sit down. One who can relate to my life and maybe even feel inspired to carve out time in her busy life to do some of the things that make her remember the person she is inside--that person she spent years focusing on improving before she gently placed it aside the moment she laid eyes on her perfect little miracle. And now its crammed under a pile of blocks....behind the choo choo train, in front of the changing table, and you can't remember where the heck you even put it in the first place!

We, as women and as moms, must remember to support each other. To help remind each other that we are not alone. That the thoughts that swirl around in our minds, the inner struggles we wrestle with, are more universal than you think. We must remember that under all the titles we have is a person. A human being with hopes and dreams dying to be accomplished; and fears and struggles waiting to be overcome. That person inside cannot be put on the back burner for 18 years or until retirement. Your purpose it too important to be ignored until you have the time and energy to pay attention to it.