Instincts

So often I hear people say, regarding morals and religion, "I just do what feels right" or "I follow my gut." But when your gut is full of flesh mixed with carnal instincts how can we possibly blindly follow that guidance? Sometimes God's will is uncomfortable. Oftentimes He leads us in a direction that doesn't feel so "right" at first. That's why we struggle so much with following His leading--we second guess Him. Our flesh desires the exact opposite and our "logic" convinces us that we surely heard God wrong--especially when the road gets tough!

There is an interesting duality I have discovered inside of me since becoming a mom. The side of me that has parental instincts that are good and must be followed, and the side of me with fleshly desires and instincts I must learn to overcome. Let me explain by first telling the story of my night last night. For the past few weeks my nearly-2-year old son has been waking up at least once in the middle of the night crying. It seems his only goal is to get me to go into his room because the moment I do he lays right back down and goes to sleep. If I don't however, he is quite persistent! So last night my husband says "we have to stop going in there or he is never going to quit. Just let him cry." Sounds logical....unless you're a mom! I laid there feeling those strings being yanked in my heart for a good 20 minutes (which of course felt like 2 hours). My gut kept telling me I needed to go check on him, but my logic was on board with my hubby. Finally my husband decides he will get up. Little man goes right back to sleep, awesome! Except not even 10 minutes later he is up crying again. Could be he didn't get his way in making mommy come in there, but something told me it was something else this time. I went in there and sure enough, poor guys diaper was too full and he was soaked. Pj's, blankets, sheets, everything! After changing everything he laid right back down and slept the rest of the night.

In so many instances parents absolutely need to follow their instincts. It may be something as small as a too-wet diaper or a much bigger issue. Second guessing that parental instinct often gets us in trouble. We are so in tuned with our children we "just know" when something is off. I sure wish the Holy Spirit wasn't so still and quiet sometimes making it hard to hear over the noise of the flesh! I am praying to become more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. To recognize its leading as clearly and as urgently as I feel and anticipate the needs of my child. I pray that I grow and evolve to a place where just as my body has a visceral reaction to the cry of my son, so does my spirit to the whisper of the our Father. To have no choice but to act upon His call. For my obedience instinct to become as automatic as my mommy instinct. Not to trust my flesh and live life doing what FEELS GOOD, but doing what IS good in spite of how it feels. More trust, more obedience, more faith.

Thanks to my son for wetting through your diaper so that I am wide awake at 2:30am to hear the Holy Spirit whisper and feel the pen inspired. Glad I didn't sleep through this one!