On being thankful

The recurring theme God keeps bringing to my attention in life right now is to be thankful in all things. Sure, a basic Christian concept we all strive to do. But here is the thing: While it always crosses my mind to thank Him when tough things happen in my life; I seem to have a little internal struggle with it. Not because I am unwilling, not because I am angry, bitter, or even upset! Follow my thought process and maybe you can work through this with me right here, right now.

So, God knows our heart. He knows us inside and out...better than we know ourselves. Here I am dealing with a stressful situation in my life and I am praying hard and leaning on God. I am full of faith that all will work out according to His plan. I am reminded to be thankful in all things. But I almost feel guilty thanking God when in my heart I don't FEEL so thankful this is happening to me. Of course I WANT to feel thankful and I do pray the words, but God knows my heart. He knows that I want so badly to feel as much thanksgiving as I do for the blessings in life, but how do you get to that level of faith? Maturity? Growth? Here I am stuck WANTING to be thankful, thanking God with my brain, but feeling guilty that the thanks has not fully penetrated my heart. Does He see right through my "thanks" and think "nice try"? Maybe this sounds silly but this has been an honest to goodness internal struggle for me!

It has just been this week that I started to realize that my practice in thanking Him through the challenges is my training ground for that growth I desire and so desperately need. It has become an automatic response to thank God when stressors enter my life. That is a step in and of itself! Now as my head and my lips respond correctly, I believe my heart will follow. I believe that God will honor my desire for a deeper understanding of Him and work on changing the resistance in my heart. Somewhere inside there must still be a child pouting "but its nor fair!" There must still exist a self-protecting little one in me that wants to protect my "rights" and my "things"--as if I have control over them in the first place. I find solace in knowing that Job, Ezekiel, and even Jeremiah dealt with similar feelings early in their ministries. Thankfully God does not call perfect people to work for Him. Thankfully He uses the willing, calls the imperfect, and (in love) reveals the condition of our hearts so that we might learn to overcome our imperfections.