One of the least

I don't know if its being a mom in general or being one of young children, but so many days I feel myself stuck in this bubble. Thoughts consumed, fires to put out, constant crying, arguing, noise of all kinds....it makes it difficult to see the big picture--or any picture at all for that matter. Some days I feel like I'm cruising along staring straight at the ground and forget to look up until I find myself kissing a closed glass door. Suddenly something reminds me that there is a great big world out there full of much bigger problems than how stained my carpet is. God is so good and so patient with me. He has this perfect way of being gentle yet gripping my soul with conviction. Subtle yet conspicuous enough to stand tall behind the distracting little feet that pitter patter around me all day. I catch wind of a need and the still small voice says "hey, you can fill that need." I make eye contact with the homeless man on the corner and his piercing blue eyes cut through to my soul and God whispers "how about that cash you have in your wallet?" Then a friend gives me a book recommendation and of all the books I'd like to read He says, "that one." I can and I will stop making excuses about why I cant do more now and look up to see the opportunities placed right in front of me. Today. Right now. I don't need to be more spiritual, more rich, more rested, or less busy. I have resources because I have a willing heart. I have ability because God has more than met my needs. Its not about rolling down my window and handing over $5 and patting myself on the back or feeling good about ME. It is about seizing every opportunity to give what I have because that is what we are here for. It is not just about filling a need, but about love.

I will not tell the whole story because the last thing I need is carnal pride tainting a beautiful experience, but I will say I recently had a chance to do something for someone who could never do for themselves. God used me to bless them in a way that I know touched their soul. God reminded someone that they are loved and not forgotten. I am not going to lie, it felt good to be a part of that. But the reason I was able to help in such a way is because of love. When I reflect upon past experiences in which I knew God used me to reach someone I realize that He seems to continually forge real and loving friendships between me and the most unlikely people. From the outside looking in, some friendships might really make you laugh. Or simple wonder what in the world could SHE have in common with HIM or HER? But that is really the fun of all this, you know.....life stuff. Because as long as there is love in your heart, that is all the commonality you need. Love and acceptance often fills a bigger need than a few dollars to buy food.

I can (and often do) drive myself crazy wondering what my life will look like as my kids grow. What career will I have? Will I have one? What is God's plan for me? I start to dream of all these things I could do and realize it would take 5 lifetimes to accomplish them all - then get frustrated that life doesn't allow for any of them right now. Then I am back to praying for guidance and an clear understanding of where He wants me to be. Only half-realizing that this is exactly where He wants me to be. Feeling a little lost, a little scattered, a little unimportant and unaccomplished. Somehow this lump of clay will become just what it is meant to be one day. But in the mean time, I listen for his whispers and simply say yes. And for now He is whispering Matthew 25:40 over and over....