Digging in deep

Jesus had plenty of opposition. Plenty of people who thought negatively about him. People who thought he was crazy, misguided, or even blasphemous. He had followers, those who loved him, followed him, and recognized him as the son of God. But those who didn’t despised Him. In spite of those out to get him, he never let any of the negativity throw him off course. Nothing derailed him from his mission. He pressed on with dignity and peace in his heart knowing that he had more important things than to argue or defend a position. It seems people today like to talk a big game about not letting “haters” get them down. It is almost welcoming to have some opposition to give us an opportunity to prove just how much we don’t care about what others think. In fact, when the negativity comes we simply write those people off as lesser, insignificant people--people not worth our time. We are the “bigger” people right? With our big egos and our puffed out chests marching on with our heads held high and subsequent noses in the air. Putting those people right where they belong….under our shoes as we move on forging relationships with only those who support us in our blindness. Those who pat our backs and celebrate our stupidity, who either don’t recognize character flaws because character is not a criteria in which we measure relationships or simple sweep them under the rug for the sake of smooth sailing for all.

I am blessed to have a network of friends who is loving and supportive. True people in my life who care and who demonstrate depth, strength, character, and love. But somehow I am starting to wonder if a person can really be this blessed or if a part of it is blindness. Follow me here. Am I surrounded by support and love at every turn because my fragile ego cannot handle the reality of opposition that comes with true growth? Never facing a fear does not mean that they do not exist right? It means you either avoid facing them at all costs or you have cocooned yourself into such a comfortable existence that you are able to ignore them completely. Is this truly a blessing? A person who is never faced with fears…should we envy them or pity them? Where is the forced growth? Where is the accomplishment? Where is the maturing of faith? How about encountering people who misunderstand your intentions? People who see you differently than you see yourself? Whether those people are right or wrong – being misunderstood, having your feelings hurt, being questioned – aren’t those character-building situations? Doesn’t opposition make us stronger? I train with weights; I understand the importance of resistance.

 I have struggles in life don’t get me wrong but why is God allowing me to use the 5lb dumbbells? Why am in the shallow end of the pool with floaties on? Who am I to sit back and complain about not having an outlet to share how special I am? Isn’t that really what it is when I wonder what is this grand calling of mine? My ego wondering when I will get some sort of status or recognition…for what? I don’t know. For living a life of privilege? For being spoon fed challenges in small enough bites to chew and swallow before getting more? Deep in the layers of desire to give and serve, is there a selfishness that wants recognition and status? Does reaching out really feel like reaching down from my privileged status to fulfill a need of my own? If a strong head wind came at me do I have what it takes to stand in faith, peaceful and fierce in spirit? Or would I crumple and fall because I haven’t trained with real weights? Am I hiding from the messiness, the toughness, the raw realness where God dwells? Is my nose just a bit too high to be grounded? Have I taken Him for granted? Ignored His ever presence in my life? Have I set my God up on the shelf next to the picture frame and candle only passing by every once in a while to dust Him off when I think of it?

I can’t live in this boring, safe, dusty grey area another second or I might explode!