Servanthood

What has been on my mind more than anything these days is something I struggle to articulate. A mission, a calling, a struggle.....something that seems so basic and blasé to the average Christian that many skim right over it.....being a servant. I know what you are thinking: of course I know, Jesus came to serve and is our shining example as Christians of how we should serve each other as servants of Christ. That is why you try to help out at church when you can or give your neighbor a hand when you can find a minute. I have felt that way my whole life, you know, looking for ways I can help others and thinking about ways I could volunteer some time. All while pursuing my next promotion/raise or better paying job, finishing my degree, and improving my home (things) and my look (hair, makeup, teeth whitening, etc). Much of my twenties was spent on self improvement. It was not all bad, I mean, I did accomplish a lot. I did grow up and learn a lot about myself. I even focused on spiritual growth which I admit was not always top priority in my day to day actions.

All of the corporate ladder climbing, up-all-night-studying, pressure to maintain a 4.0 and graduate, has led me here. A stay-at-home mom with a home daycare. Glamorous I know. No more getting up in the morning and putting on clothes that make me feel important, no more important title to slap on a business card, no more big commission check to make me feel accomplished. A full blown conversation is even rare in my days! Please don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about my life at all. I chose this and continue to choose it each and every day. I would not change it for anything. My question to God is, why this? What in this time of my life am I to learn? How can I grow and become the person you intend for me to be? How does this stage prepare me for the next? The answer is, I am learning to serve. Anytime I feel frustrated, impatient, or unimportant I can see how I am failing to be a true servant. I start to feel down when I look for recognition, reward, and all the other ego-boosting things we get when we wear a sign (aka a post on facebook) that says "Hey look at me I just helped someone with a flat tire!" or "Hey, I just volunteered at the food bank!" When I crave to have the skin, body, wardrobe, title, and recognition I once had; that is when I get in trouble. My daily accomplishments can seem mundane and pointless at times without viewing the whole picture. No one is here to say thank you mommy for picking up all those toys for the tenth time today so we can see the floor! And what may be the biggest pity party I throw is how society views someone like me as someone without a "real job" or worse, lazy.

There is a point, or several points, in all this rambling I promise! It takes me digging inside and seeking God daily to keep me in the right frame of mind and get over the self-serving desires so prevalent in my flesh! I am doing God's work every day. I am not washing feet, but I am changing diapers. I am not becoming an executive, but I am caring for the 4 most important people in the world each and every day. And the times I start to feel insignificant or unhappy I have to check my focus. If I am focused on recognition I have failed to find my significance in Christ and if I am busy pursuing self-serving happiness I lose sight of the joy that fills my soul when I seek God's will. Most of you have probably read Mark 9:35: "Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else." But yet we would all still much rather be important - or FEEL important. I am no exception. I certainly let pride hinder me from becoming a servant of Christ. It is interesting that my evolution of self looks an awful lot like de-evolution from the outside looking in. I will close with something interesting I stumbled across after writing this:

"...we need to understand this aspiration for status actually stems from a failure to rest in one’s significance in the Savior. When Christians fail to rest in who they are in Christ, they will constantly be battling the need for importance or significance from within their own desires and felt needs." (bible.org)