Well I hope everyone else had a relaxing, stress-free Thanksgiving like I did! With hectic schedules, swirling thoughts, and to-do lists it is so nice to take a step back and play cards, eat, and laugh. As laid back and my husband and I both are, I must admit, our plates have been full lately (and not just because of the turkey and pie!). Even with the pressure I seem to put on my own shoulders, I am so grateful I have faith in my corner reminding me that something so much greater than us is working this all out for good.
I have gone back and forth as to whether or not I should share a recent experience and I decided that it just might help someone out there going through something similar. And in starting a blog, I knew the purpose was to be real. We all have enough fluff in life. So here goes! For one agonizing night I was SURE that I had lost the baby I am newly pregnant with. I wont get into the details but all signs pointed to miscarriage. Up until that moment I had no idea just how attached I had become to this little life that I had never seen or even heard the heartbeat of. I was absolutely heartbroken. I already had a doctor appointment scheduled for early the next morning so I just laid in bed and prayed and cried all night. What surprised me about myself was the fact that in my heart I thanked God. I thanked Him for allowing me to find out about the pregnancy so early so that I had more time to love the little one. Most people are not even aware they are pregnant for 6-8 weeks and here I was 9 weeks along and had known about and loved this baby for 6 whole weeks. In spite of the sadness I knew that God has a purpose and a plan. I felt so much empathy for all the women out there who have gone through the experience of a miscarriage. My husband and I gathered up our toddler and soberly headed to the doctor at 7:30 the next morning. I could barely hold the tears at bay while explaining to her what happened that night before. After the normal doctor routine she said "let's just take a look." She was quiet for a moment and turned the screen toward me and said "well, there is your baby!" I immediately burst into tears which made my son burst in to tears. She turned up the volume so we could all hear the most amazing sounding heartbeat I have ever heard. I am just so very, very blessed that the outcome in my case has turned out to be what we had hoped. And so shocked since I had honestly prepared myself for the worst.
I thought being pregnant for the second time would be fairly uneventful and a little "old shoe". I realize now more than ever what a faith-building experience pregnancy truly is. In most situations we can at least fool ourselves in to believing we have control. There is quite literally nothing you can do while pregnant but put your faith in God that all of the millions of elements go just right and you end up with a healthy baby. I have been to a specialist several times and will continue for a while, but so far no definitive answers as to what happened that night. It seems this pregnancy will be anything but "old shoe." It is already completely different from my first. It has grabbed hold of my thoughts and forced me to slow down. Once again the brain chemistry of a mother is forever changed. It is so interesting to examine self and discover such dramatic changes in focus. Networking, future career building out there in the "real world", and goal setting to achieve my next level of success has been replaced with the need to nurture and protect. Fixing my hair, plucking my eyebrows, and looking presentable used to be so much higher on the priority list! Of course I agree that mom's need to take care of themselves and not put everyone and everything else first leaving you drained, but now I understand the frumpy moms I have seen at the grocery stores all these years...because I am one ha!
